


now they’re going to bed and my stomach is sick

by bofurrific



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Break Up, Brock Rumlow isn't a total cunt, M/M, Making Up, This is woobie as fuck I'm so sorry, You really really need to take The Killers away from me, also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 08:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1976925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bofurrific/pseuds/bofurrific
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 ways Brock let Winter go + 1 way he got him back</p><p>or:</p><p>Brock gets Winter and Steve together because he knows it's the right thing to do. Steve thinks they're dumb.</p>
            </blockquote>





	now they’re going to bed and my stomach is sick

Brock isn't a kind or generous man, and his moral compass is pretty badly out of whack, but even he knows Winter belongs with Steve. He loves the soldier, a sick twisted thing that slithers in his chest and stomach and sits like a lead weight. There's no coming back from what he's done, the lies and torture and everything HYDRA has done to him. Nothing survives that no matter how much Rumlow loves him. He has to let go.

 

1.

It's slow going at first. Brock doesn't want to push Winter at Steve and the captain reluctantly agrees. Rumlow figures Steve can't believe Brock is actually going to give him up, so he's more willing to go along with it.

Brock takes them both out to lunch and watches the way Winter clings to every word out of Steve's mouth and forces a smile that tastes like broken glass and bleach. He steals the soldier's fries in a way that used to gain him an affronted look and gentle smack, but Winter doesn't even notice, so wrapped up in Steve's stories and Brock's heart drops into his gut and the fries stick in his throat when he tries to swallow.

But Winter comes with him when they part ways and bumps into him gently on the walk home. He thanks Brock and the look on his face, open gratitude and happier than Brock has ever fucking seen him... It's the right thing to do, giving him up, but it feels like he's ripping his own heart out.

 

2. 

Winter always asks Brock to join them even though Rumlow is damned sure Steve doesn't want him there. He says yes every time even though every smile they share, every laugh and story and gentle brush of fingers, feels like he's drowning, like he's still trapped beneath the rubble and his air is running out. He's losing Winter a lot faster than he thought.

 

3. 

Steve starts taking Winter out to dinner alone. Brock sits home like a worried parent with a kid late for curfew, like a wife who knows her husband is cheating. He waits on the couch and tries not to think about how empty his apartment is, how empty it will stay once Winter leaves. The silence surrounds him, chokes him, and he doesn't breathe until Winter comes home glowing and breathless and warm.

He asks Brock to call him James and Brock thinks there's a stranger in his bed when they finally go.

 

4. 

James (he's still getting used to the name) still kisses him, still lets Brock curl around him when they sleep, but he wiggles away earlier in the morning, doesn't lie around in bed like he used to. He's too eager to get out and see Steve to spend the morning in Brock's arms. Brock stays in bed around the hollow he left in the sheets long after  they've grown cold.

James starts spending the night, spending a few days, with Steve and it takes everything in Brock to force himself from the bed. He thinks about the way James' scent will fade from the sheets and wants to scream. He's never been in love, but he thinks he understands now why his sister used to come home crying when boys broke her heart, because every time Winter does come home to home it's a sweet pain; it won't last and he clings to every moment like it's the last. He doesn't know how he'll ever be ready for the last.

 

5. 

James lets Brock drive him to Steve's when it's time to leave. He helps carry boxes of things that used to occupy his shelves up the stairs and puts them away in the captain's home.

James kisses him goodbye and Brock can't move for a few minutes after, eyes on the floor as he tries to steady his breathing. He wants to make a joke but he can't swallow past the lump in throat, can't make himself force a smile and Winter doesn't even notice, although Steve (Steve of course it's Steve) sends him a look of gratitude and painful understanding that he doesn't want.

He sits in his car outside, hands white on the steering wheel and wishes he'd never woken up in that hospital. He tells himself it's the only way, the only good thing he's done in his life and it tastes like ashes in his mouth.

He cuts all ties, ignores phone calls and doorbell rings until they get the message and stop trying. James is happy and he should feel comforted with that knowledge but he's not that much of a masochist. Self-preservation demands he walk away and for once he listens.

 

+1

James, sometimes Winter and sometimes Bucky but most of the time James, doesn't feel right. Like his skin doesn't fit like it should, rounded where he has angles and too long where his limbs are short. He's twitchy and uncomfortable and he doesn't understand why. He misses Brock but it feels dishonest now that he's with Steve. He lies awake and doesn't like that Steve is big enough to wrap all the way around him when they go to bed, where Brock was stubborn and short. He doesn't know what's going on because Steve makes him so so happy but he's not... He's not Brock.

He gets irritable and snaps at everyone, hides himself in places where even JARVIS can't find him. Steve asks what's going on and James doesn't know what to tell him. He doesn't know how to say that he loves Steve like he loved Rebecca, whom he is just starting to remember, and that when they kiss he thinks about how Brock tastes and longs for it. Steve loves him and Steve knows him and James hates himself for not being able to do the same.

Steve is the one who figures it out. He tells Bucky they're going out and won't tell him where, but halfway to the destination James realizes where they're headed. He tries not to look like a dog who's figured out they're going to the park, sitting up tense with excitement.

Steve loves Bucky but he understands. He watches best friend scramble up the steps to Brock's apartment, winces a little around a laugh when he gets too impatient for a response and breaks the door down, and the smile that spreads across his face when he finds Bucky curling around Brock in their bedroom is genuine.

Bucky kisses Brock desperately and Brock clings to him like Bucky is a raft and he's been lost at sea. Bucky spares Steve a guilty look which he waves off with a grin.

He leaves Bucky there and it feels right.


End file.
